Fantasy is whatever we imagine. Reality is all things as they truly are. The best fiction is the honest yet colorful expression of the human condition. The "things" in the story should never be more than the characters. The fictional people should think, feel and act as real people would in their circumstances. So long as the characters are "real" real people shall believe the story, no matter how fantastic the story may be.
A narrative is nonsense unless its characters make sense. What of the world these fictional people live in? Even the most fantastic setting can be "real" if all its fantastic elements are grounded in reality. Cause and effect, flow and balance: always. A strength must be its own innate weakness. Inertia and entropy must be factored into every aspect or else the suspension of disbelief is dispelled. Even if the particulars are not overtly explained, if the author was mindful of them then the story shall resonate an air of credibility.
The mood of a tale can prove decisive in whether or not the telling is believable. If all is always well or nothing ever goes right then the story shall not ring true. If a character is glorified for spouting the author's views or shamed for disagreeing then what is touted is dismissed as subjective. The author must move everything and everyone in the story by honest consideration of cause and effect. Even right and wrong or good and evil must be demonstrated within the context of sheer reality... or prove deservedly ridiculous.
Fantasy allows us to think beyond our limited experiences. Realism challenges us to contemplate things as they truly are. Fantastic realism is the most difficult fiction to craft. When accomplished and maintained, however, it proves both enlightening and inspiring: it stirs our minds to see the possibilities within the impossibilities.
It is easy to dismiss most fantasy, because it is too fantastic. Keeping it gritty, keeps it grounded.
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